Government qua proctologist
The federal government this week has launched so many so-called probes, or deep investigations, that Washington D.C. looks like a proctologist's office.
The Drug Enforcement Agency today announced it would launch a probe into Heath Ledger's untimely death, which was determined to be the result of a drug overdose.
"We're trying to identify if these were legitimate prescriptions that he had, or if they were illegally obtained or dispensed and by whom," a source told the New York Daily News.
For what? To make American's everywhere feel safer knowing that our government cares about not only our children but also our celebrities?
There hasn't been a Hollywood-government story this ridiculous since Arnold Schwarzenegger was elected governor of California.
To make probing matters worse, Congress has taken a deep look into a Lipitor commercial, hoping to get to the bottom of whether or not Robert Jarvik was paid too much money and whether or not he used a body double.
The cholesterol-lowering drug features a series of advertisements starring Jarvik, who is depicted not only a medical professional endorsing medication, but him paddling a canoe.
The Herculean feat astonished Rep. John Dingell (D-Mich.), who believes that Jarvik used a body double, since obviously, there are no 60-year-old men capable of moving a boat across water.
And of course, there is the matter of legitimacy regarding his claim to be a doctor, a claim that Congress believes is false and is hurting consumers.
Despite Jarvik's public statement admitting that he is a medical researcher not a practicing physician, the feds are furious that someone not allowed to prescribe medication would endorse a medication.
If the Committee on Energy and Commerce believes that such commercials are detrimental to the health of Americans everywhere, perhaps it should launch an investigation into their own candidacy commercials next. They may be shocked to learn all the lies they tell to get public support.
First Ledger, then Jarvik. Either way, if you planning on a trip to Washington anytime soon, you better pick up a healthy supply of lubricant. The federal government may find out you lied about your weight at a high school reunion.
The Drug Enforcement Agency today announced it would launch a probe into Heath Ledger's untimely death, which was determined to be the result of a drug overdose.
"We're trying to identify if these were legitimate prescriptions that he had, or if they were illegally obtained or dispensed and by whom," a source told the New York Daily News.
For what? To make American's everywhere feel safer knowing that our government cares about not only our children but also our celebrities?
There hasn't been a Hollywood-government story this ridiculous since Arnold Schwarzenegger was elected governor of California.
To make probing matters worse, Congress has taken a deep look into a Lipitor commercial, hoping to get to the bottom of whether or not Robert Jarvik was paid too much money and whether or not he used a body double.
The cholesterol-lowering drug features a series of advertisements starring Jarvik, who is depicted not only a medical professional endorsing medication, but him paddling a canoe.
The Herculean feat astonished Rep. John Dingell (D-Mich.), who believes that Jarvik used a body double, since obviously, there are no 60-year-old men capable of moving a boat across water.
And of course, there is the matter of legitimacy regarding his claim to be a doctor, a claim that Congress believes is false and is hurting consumers.
Despite Jarvik's public statement admitting that he is a medical researcher not a practicing physician, the feds are furious that someone not allowed to prescribe medication would endorse a medication.
If the Committee on Energy and Commerce believes that such commercials are detrimental to the health of Americans everywhere, perhaps it should launch an investigation into their own candidacy commercials next. They may be shocked to learn all the lies they tell to get public support.
First Ledger, then Jarvik. Either way, if you planning on a trip to Washington anytime soon, you better pick up a healthy supply of lubricant. The federal government may find out you lied about your weight at a high school reunion.
posted by Tobin Spratte at 8:22 AM
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